One of my American team members recently asked me “Amit, why did you need 15 days for your sister’s marriage? I mean it’s just a marriage”. I asked him back: “How many people get invited in a typical American wedding”. He replied: “Around 100”. I said: “ Well, we invite around 900 people”. Then I asked him one more question: “How much time it takes for a marriage to finish in America?”. He said: “3-4 hours”. I said: It takes more than 2 days in India”. Then he said: “OMG! Indians are unique”. I told him with pride and a smile: “Yes, we are”. What I didn’t tell him was: “It also happens once in a life time for us, so it’s more important”. Hehe.
I’m not appreciating my culture at the expense of some other culture. It’s just the way we Indians are. India is unique. Diverse but unique. Some western observers have written lengthy articles about Indian traditions and customs and how they change every 100 km. They have wondered over many Indian customs and the example which I gave is only one of those others. And there are so many things in our culture, which either we don’t know about or if we know, then we don’t understand their meaning. But I got an insight into many of them recently.
Marriages in India are one more way to celebrate life. A get together with your loved ones and what follows is to remember and cherish all life. It’s generally a two days affair in our culture and all the close relatives come before day 1.
Day 1. It starts with “Ganesh pooja” as it happens before any “Shubh-kaarya”. This is followed by “Devi pooja” where parents worship “Durga” to provide her blessings to the bride. Next function is called “Mandap” where a “Havana-Kund” is put in the centre and four pillars surround it to make it a sacred place. Basically, “Mandap” is the place where all the remaining ceremonies take place. Some “pooja” is done to make it fit for all the ceremonies. Then, there is a “Rasm” called “Cheegat” where maternal uncles gift clothes to the bride and her family amidst all the banter. And then the evening is that part for which all the cousins wait for. Its time for “Mahila Sangeet”. Though its name can be misleading, “Mahila Sangeet” actually means that whole extended family gets into the groove and perform on the stage. Day ends typically by 2 am.
Day 2. The day starts leisurely as there is no function or ceremony scheduled till afternoon. First half of the day sees more and more guests coming. In the afternoon, the “Haldi rasm” is done which is followed by “Satyanarayana Katha”. And then everyone gets into the mode of welcoming the groom’s family as they arrive by 5-6 PM. From this time to the time groom comes to the “Swagat Dwar” on a “Ghodi”, you find people looking for a shampoo/moisturizer/deo/tie/perfume et al. Finally when groom arrives at the “Swagat Dwar”, bride’s family welcomes him with bride’s sisters holding the “Kalash”. Then its time for “Jaimaala” exchange and photo sessions which last for 2-3 hours. I pity the couple who have to bow down to touch feet and then keep standing for that whole duration! In parallel goes on the sumptuous dinner! By the time clock ticks midnight, many of the guests either leave or go to sleep. But then start the real “Vivah” stuff which includes “Saat ferey” and “Kanyadaan”. Ah, also the time for cousin sisters of bride to rob the groom by stealing his own shoes! And in the morning, its “vidaai” time where brother of the bride takes her to the car in the most sentimental part of the whole wedding.
Maybe, I have skipped some of the ceremonies but in a nut-shell, this is what my whole family was waiting for from last 8 months. All the ceremonies have their own meaning and relevance. But personally for me, “kanyadaan” was the most sentimental where parents of the bride gives away the hand of the girl to the groom with bride’s brother as the witness or “Sakshi”. There only the groom promises to keep bride happy his whole life. That was really very emotional!
The Indian weddings, despite all their pros and cons, are the best one I would say. They really give an emotional experience of a lifetime. In all these years, I always believed that marriages should be a low key affair and should be over in at most a day. And my mom has kept warning me that “a-single-day” wedding custom will definitely not start from our family. She says that you need to understand the difference between a “show-off” and a proper wedding with all the ceremonies. But after my sister’s marriage, I have become more understanding of our culture and its importance in our lives. And there’s no prize for guessing who’s the happiest person with this new-found understanding of mine;)
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